Day 2 of phase 1 of Harcombe – sweet chilli sauce panic

I woke up from one of the deepest and most undisturbed sleeps ever at the ungodly hour of 5:30 while my son asked where the toilet paper was! I was nearly ready to sleep again when he came in to tell me his leg hurt and then again 15 minutes later to ask if it was time to get up.

The day had not got off to the best start and was exacerbated by youngest son feeling poorly and wetting the bed. Knowing that I had a long day ahead and no chocolate or caffeine to prop myself up with I was not in my happy place. I felt like I might be getting the lurgy off little son and stomped into the kitchen threatening to take the treat out of my early-bird’s lunchbox.

Despite everything I managed to get through the morning meeting without crying, falling asleep or forgetting my name (all of which I thought were likely given my un-caffeinated state). I got back to my office and thought about lunch without great enthusiasm while getting ready for the afternoon’s briefing and Board meeting, I even handled a crisis in another department and handled umpteen calls while surreptitiously typing and clicking print!

The evening session started at 3 and finished at 7:30 when we went straight into a farewell dinner for a retiring Board member. Before going on the diet I’d chosen the veggie option as I like meat in moderation rather than the perfectly cooked but too big and too rich versions offered at the venue. I don’t think I did too bad given that the day ended with a formal dinner and plenty of wine on offer

Breakfast: bacon omelette, salad and beetroot
Lunch: salmon with salad and beetroot (can’t get enough of these)
Dinner….

Cauliflower Beignets and an apple sauce – yum I skipped the sauce and felt virtuous until and I realised beignets had flour (whoops). By the time the fish course came my heart was pounding and scalp was twitching.
Chickpea and basil croquettes with salad and sweet chilli sauce. I ate the salad and left both of the croquettes. Some chilli sauce may have fallen onto the salad.
Artichokes in a hazelnut velouté on mash. I ate the artichokes but didn’t go chasing extra sauce, left the mash and picked at veggies on the side.
Pudding – politely declined an amazing looking trio of chocolate desserts.
Cheese, coffee and petit fours – politely declined while I glugged more water.

No wine, no coffee, no tea and no diet coke.

I got home at 11, straight to bed but feeling proud of myself for avoiding the temptations of biscuits and sweets during the meeting, olive studded bread and butter, croquettes, hazelnut velouté, mash, cheese, crackers, grapes, tea, wine and chocolate puddings.

Brave new world that has such creatures in it.

Parenting – I am discovering – is basically a lot of discovery. Every day is a brave new world with new creatures and new things to learn. My two boys are equally challenging and fulfilling. I learn new skills on a regular basis and develop new traits, patience is something I have had to develop.

I have decided to go back to work in Dec – Jan. I’ll officially go back to work late december and use up my leave, returning to the office in January. My job will be the same one I have done for five years now and to be honest I am lucky to have a job that is still in existence, local, flexible, fairly well paid and not too stretching. I now appreciate that my career is over for the foreseeable future – I’ll be stuck in this post for a long time as realistically a Mum with young children isn’t an attractive option for a well paid job – can they guarentee that they can cover colleagues in an emergency – No, they can’t guarentee that they can get child care at the drop of a hat and there are likely to be times when they will not be available at short notice. To be brutally honest I have had and participated in this discussion when interviewing myself. Some women can do it (a former chief exec was a mother) but I cant guarentee that my career will come first over my family at the momment.

Accepting that I am no longer a career person is hard, I have always loved new challenges, planning out my career seeking new development oppourtunties but I have a chance to develop new people skills. I am learning how to settle a toddler in bed and how to time my exit so that he will stay in bed but will be putting himself to sleep without me in bed with him. I have developed new confidence to breast feed in public while amusing Ben with a story, admittedly phoning someone up and talking to them makes me break out in a cold sweat but I am (hopefully) drawing on strength I didn’t know I had to get through days and weeks with two children at home.

Ben is changing and learning new skills every day, he has recently been learning how to use a straw, on our way back to the car in Milton Keynes I called into a milkshake shop to get a shake for his Daddy and I. I had Ben on my hip (to get a better view of how it was made) and as I held my milkshake, he grabbed the straw and looked up at me, shouting me to (his phrase of the month). I told him he could have some but would need to do a really big suck – which he did and loved, he kindly helped me drink my chocolate orange milkshake, having tested his dad’s one (mint aero) and decided he preferred mine, the idea of him managing a physical skill like holding a straw, sucking and swallowing as well as remembering which cup had which flavour and communicating which one he wanted and when was unthinkable a few months ago.

My boys continue to drive me to distraction (I nearly cried when we got to Pizza Express with Ben screaming and Ciaran screaming) but can make me laugh and melt my heart when they want to, and as long as they continue to do sweet things (grabbing me by the neck for a cuddle in bed, stroking my face, laughing hysterically at stupid games) I will continue to remind myself why this is the greatest job in the world, hours are awful, salary non-existent, bosses inconsistent and tempermental and you handle a lot of poo but the perks are great.