I have been working on appearing more grown up (at 30 it is about time) and professional. Slick, polished and like the other Mums in the street who seem able to put matching socks on their kids. People who know me know that I have an unerving ability to put my feet right in my mouth and that my best intentions can go astray. Add my kids into the mix and we have a deadly combination. Here’s my three best mad mummy moments this week.
Showing off my son’s tact and sensitivity: On Wednesdays I go to Slimming World. I normally take advantage of my flexible working arrangements, leave early and go to a meeting before getting the kids. With the excitement of being back at work I left it too late and had to get the kids from nursery before letting them come to an exciting weigh-in.
In the cricket club I was more concerned with stopping Ciaran tearing down displays and demonstrating his ability to climb onto windowsills, Ben was excited to see so many women and kept running around shouting hello and boo to groups of ladies.
As I queued with the little one I heard a high-pitched loud shout from the corner where the new members (all feeling a bit self conscious probably) had their welcome chat “Hello Fatties!” Yes. It was of course my son demonstrating his tact and sensitivity. Needless to say we didn’t stay for the full meeting.
Showing my professional side: Occasionally I pop out of office and chat to people in the open plan area. Me and a couple of others were talking to the young future jobs fund man asking about how much he drunk over Christmas and saying “I bet you didn’t sober up all Christmas”. I showed all the gravitas of my job by laughing and commenting that I drunk so much when I was his age I can’t work out how I held down a job. At this point the Human Resources Director finished her photocopying and walked past. Yes. She had heard and is probably now monitoring me for signs of alcoholism.
Showing of my intelligence and organisation: In the big freeze a month ago my window screen got so cold that my tax disc fell off and no matter what I did I couldn’t stick it back. My car is (shamefully) messy. Abandoned kiddie gloves, hats, socks and receipts from when I run into the car with shopping – feed it to the monkeys in the back seat and drop the receipt (I always mean to throw them away when I get home but the logistical demands of two toddlers who want to run away can be too much for me!).
On Thursday morning I got into the car and decided it was too messy. I grabbed the collection of receipts on the passenger seat and dumped them into the recycling bin. When I left the office at lunch time I realised that my tax disco wasn’t on my window screen… or my dashboard… or the floor of my car. Yes. I recycled my tax disc and now need to apply for a replacement.
So – can anyone top this for a good first week back at work. I’ve certainly got 2011 off to a mad start.