[picapp align=”left” wrap=”true” link=”term=cafe&iid=7210345″ src=”7/8/4/b/The_Cafe_c28761877_381b.jpg?adImageId=8318450&imageId=7210345″ width=”380″ height=”502″ /]Welcome to the Mummy Cafe. I hope that you are well and are comfortable. Seating is available all over the cafe, we encourage patrons to jump from chair to chair or simply roll around on the floor. Make yourself at home.
Toilets are located in your nappy or on the potty (one on each floor) – please feel free to wee everywhere whilst getting dressed – our staff are only to happy to bathe you and find you some clean clothes. Today’s set menu is as follows:
Breakfast – porridge for older children, followed by half a pear and half a vegetarian sausage. As food tastes better from someone elses plate, please take this sausage from the manageress’ plate. She won’t mind.
Milk and left over pear will be available for our younger patron.
Snack – the older patron is welcome to have his own advent calendar chocolate and to help himself from the Christmas tree. The manageress has a quaint one chocolate a day rule – so wait until she is busy and ask the cafe owner. He will happily provide as much chocolate as you can stomach.
If you are still hungry a couple of slices of malt loaf will be provided at 11.
Lunch: There may be a delay as logistical problems have prevented the manageress from leaving the house. The cafe owner will return from work with food and the car seat in due course. The planned lunch menu is chicken goujons (frozen rather than the home made ones that you detest), chips, carrots and mixed veg.
All patrons will be offered this – the manageress will be happy to load a spoon with peas and tiny bits of mixed veg for our younger patrons while they shovel goujons and chips into their mouth. Tomato ketchup will be provided upon request for older patrons.
Pudding of fruit or yoghurt is available. [picapp align=”right” wrap=”true” link=”term=cafe&iid=217118″ src=”0213/4fe6c393-218f-4c59-b2d2-767dd0e3f250.jpg?adImageId=8318508&imageId=217118″ width=”234″ height=”291″ /]
In the afternoon we offer a running buffet from the fruit bowl. Unlimited refills of banana, pear and clementine are available. An early dinner of spaghetti bolognase will be offered to the younger patrons around 4pm – older patrons are welcome to force spoons of this into their mouths as well.
Once the younger patrons have left the premises a formal evening dinner of fajita’s will be offered to older patrons. The manageress will be happy to fill your tortilla up and roll it for you – should it start to unroll (or bits drop out) the manageress will be happy to assist you.For the amusement of the cafe owner patrons are encouraged to eat as much spicy food as possible.
We hope that you enjoy eating with us and hope that you will become a regular visitor to our cafe.