Top of the morning to ya!
I must say I was slightly suprised when you knocked on the door today – I only had two cans of lager last night and didn’t expect to see you until Boxing Day – never mind. Come in and make yourself at home.
Thanks for waiting until a vaguely decent hour before coming along, I’ve been able to get up make breakfast for the boys (even mashing a banana without gagging), scrubbed Ben’s table and mat and dusted polished and hoovered the lounge before you came to take up my time.
Its strange how you’ve grown up with me, in our student days I’d wake up to find you jumping up and down on my tummy and head, however for all your brashness you left quite quickly (once I’d held down a full English), now you prefer the more subtle approach, waiting for a few hours and then making me feel sicker and sicker.
To start with I feel slightly queasy but I know that in a few hours time my tummy will fill with acid and the only way to neutralise it will be crisps and chocs, which of course I can’t have (particularly as I drank two cans of lager last night). I could make fruit and bran muffins which do the trick but we both know I won’t want to stand weighing sifting and soaking bran flakes in warm milk don’t we?
Maybe we’ll take the boys to McDonalds – we used to enjoy that at Uni didn’t we?
So here you are to stay my friend; you could make yourself useful and change a few nappies while you are here if you like or you could just pull up a chair and watch as I surreptiously try to drop hints that you should leave now by downing litres of fizzy water and solpadeine. Make yourself comfy – we’ve got a long day ahead of us.