Writing Workshop – Recipe to leave the house


1 Toddler
1 baby
1 Mother

Difficulty level: Advanced
Time: 5-60 minutes depending on size and how fresh your toddler and baby are.

1. Take two toddlers shoes – then remember that toddler isn’t wearing socks yet. The best way to start this dish is to sprint up the stairs warning him not to jump on the baby while you are upstairs. Cover toddler’s feet with shoes and socks.
2. Season the baby with a coat or snowsuit. Its a matter of taste how hot you want your baby to be, in my experience the hotter option of a full snowsuit is not to everyones liking in balmier autumn days, but please don’t rush out to buy a jacket just for a trip out of the house.
3. Increase heat by looking at the clock and realising that you needed to leave five minutes ago.
4. If at this point the toddlers shoes and socks are on top of the radio, replace toddlers socks and shoes before dashing upstairs for his coat. Firmly tie toddler into a coat.
5. Leave both children to simmer gently in their coats while you drag the stroller from the conservatory, through the kitchen and lounge to the hall. Lift stroller out into the front garden.
6. Moving quickly to prevent toddler and baby from over-cooking pack nappy bag for the trip. Add a pinch of nappies for the toddler and a generous serving of nappies for the baby mix in with odd socks, a dirty muslim cloth and a spare t-shirt. Pack the mixture firmly into the bag.
7. Skim any scum off the surface by cleaning both children’s bottoms as the heat and stress encourages them to poo.
8. Gently layer baby on top of the stoller seat. Strap in a securely tie down with a blanket.
9. Add the coated toddler, firmly packed nappy bag and a handbag before leaving the house.

(This post is part of the Sleep is for the Weak Writing Workshop)




Filed under 2 year old child, Baby

3 responses to “Writing Workshop – Recipe to leave the house

  1. Oh Ellen this did make me laugh! I LOVE the difficulty level – advanced. And no 7 had me in stitches! Brilliant! x

    • Aly

      I had a little chuckle to myself when I read this.l can relate to the taking shoes/ socks and even other clothing off.drove me nuts with my 2nd.I’m hoping my third won’t be like that.

  2. worldofamummy

    @Josie: thanks today Ciaran varied things by pooing explosively as we returned to the house – I ended up with poo on my skirt (nice).
    @ Aly: For your sake I hope you don’t have two children simultaneously stripping off when you are trying to leave the house!

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