Looking at Ben eating a healthy tea of jam sandwiches and orange squash I’ve realised that parenting (if not life in general) is about loosening up and accepting that you can’t live up to your own principles. Here are some of the principles/ standards that have fallen by the wayside.
As a child and student I read voraciously, moderate dyslexia didn’t stop me (you just read for context and don’t notice tricky words) and I read classics like Anna Karenina. When I started work (as a recruitment consultant) I gradually dumbed down. I now read Take a Break and struggle to do the crosswords. I’ve tried to be a bit stricter with myself and recently got two books out of the library – the widows of eastwick (damned dyslexia I saw the W and Eastwick and thought it was the witches of eastwick) and Emma’s Baby. Both were good but I found John Updike a bit wordy and ponderous. I’m used to reading reports that are factual and to the point at work.
When I smoked I went from a size 12 to a size 16 over 6 years. When I quit smoking I rewarded myself (Hubby carried on smoking and insisted on smoking next to me at the pub) with thorntons (yum!). About 6 months after I quit I was a size 18 and being 5 foot looked like a size 18. I did the No Count plan from weightwatchers, lost the weight and discovered that to be healthy on the plan I had to cook from scratch. I learned to cook risotto’s etc.. using key ingrediants. When I was pregnant exhaustion led me to buy some ready prepared food – breaded cod etc.. I felt so guilty at eating pre-prepared chemically enhanced crap.
When Ben was weaning he was weaned at 6 months onto home made veggie sticks, home made meatballs etc… my Mum thought I was mad and convinced me that the occasional fish finger at her house wouldnt hurt. Fish fingers, chicken goujons and Ikea meat balls are all living in my freezer and are firm favourites – as are tins of crap (Heinz spag bol, Asda chicken curry). Sweets were verbotin but Ben is now having a jam butty, had chocolate buttons with his nanny and can recognise chocolate wrappers at 50 paces.
Oh no my son would not be parked in front of CBeebies – like hell. Now that I have two under two if Ciaran is awake & feeding and Ben is wanting attention CBeebies can be a good compromise. The fact I know all the presenters and have a soft spot for Andy (he looks like he enjoys being a kiddies presenter) does not mean I enjoy watching it.
Dust polish and hoover each room at least twice a week. Actually hubby does the whole house at the weekend (just the hoover – he can’t get his head around polishing) and I manage to dust, polish and hoover the lounge once a week. I try to do the boys rooms once a week but probably just manage every other week.
Aiming for 3-4 oz a day was not viable in the long term – anyway why did I need to express so much was I stockpiling my freezer for a nuclear armageddon? I have expressed each morning since Sunday getting between 3 – 5 oz each time. It means I can have a night off every now and then or if Ciaran is being really hard to settle can offer some extra milk in a bottle to satisfy his raging hunger pangs at the time of day I have the least millk to offer.
I’m feeling a bit better today – not joined in with the kids screaming and crying at least. My health visitor is going to come over in a couple of weeks to see me and do the are you going to kill yourself questionairre, hubby seems to have got the hint and last night managed to bathe Ben without traumatising him by dropping him in the bath or playing scary games and settle Ben to bed. Our aim is to have both boys in bed asleep by 9 so that I can watch some TV with him, if Ciaran settles after 9 I tend to collapse asleep on the bed, reasoning that anything good on TV has already started so to help our marriage and actually see each other we are going to try to meet at 9 and watch TV.
I’ve order some stuff from Amazon – a potty training book for Ben, a poetry book for Ben and Ciaran (Ciaran seems to like the rhythms of poetry and Ben is bound to like it) and some reward stickers. We’ll get a plan together and try potty training again soon – once Ben has apprciated that the potty is for poo and wee wee not cooking.