After a really rough weekend (Ciaran got Ben’s cold on Thursday, started struggling to feed and got very windy and awake all night on Friday and carried on in the same vein all Saturday) compunded by me getting ill (before Ciaran woke up to start the fun of screaming in agony at 2:30am I was awake alternating between shivering and sweating buckets) we seem to be a little more settled today.
I’ve already achieved a good chunk of my to – do list (eat breakfast, have both boys washed and dressed, put wash loads on, express milk, change Bens cot sheets) and have manged to get Ciaran upstairs for a nice nap (he was awake – barring a few dozes on the breast – from 8:30 – 11:00) and Ben dispatched to the interchange retail park with my Mum and little sis to buy me an Alice Band (Ben has a thing for stealing, hiding, breaking and eating my Alice Bands and hubby has taken to calling me Kurt Cobain as he can’t see my face!)
We had a better night last night the Infacol that the nice locum GP prescibed is helping Ciaran get his wind up and I am hoping that once his cold is properly cleared up he’ll breathe easily through his nose and get a better latch again (fingers crossed!)
Here’s my terrible confession. Last night (after 2 nights of sleep deprivation, getting over some lurgy and listening to a pneumatic drill of a babies cry) I snapped. Ben was being naughty when his Daddy tried to brush his teeth so I took over. Screaming and howling worked for me as I could shove the toothbrush into his mouth. Moving from the bathroom to the nursery was a trifle harder as he refused to get up from the floor, I was finally in the nursery and trying to get his T-Shirt off when I snapped and shouted the awful words at him “I wish you and your brother hadn’t been born you’re ruining my life”. Not a mother of the year momment.
To his credit hubby realised that the tears of terror at coping alone today earlier had been quite genuine and serious and he came up to finish bedtime and ordered me to get some rest, he also offered to help with Ciaran in the night (he goes the Spare room to get some sleep). I think just knowing I could get help has cheered me up and I am now feeling a bit more capable as a Mum.
Anyway got to dash as little one has woken up hungry again!