- A new steroid inhaler
- New antibiotics
- Appointment to go to the the asthma clinic
- Referral to another clinic to have a mole removed (me!)
- Guilt that Baby B is almost certainly asthmatic, and seems to have it quite bad due to a combination of bad genes and not exclusively breast feeding.
- Panic that Baby B is getting even lower on the growth charts, somewhere between the 2nd and 9th percentiles now.
- Concern that Baby B’s head is so tiny that it is well below the lowest line on the growth chart.
- Worry that Baby B wouldn’t be a good boy and pick up a piee of paper between his left thumb and forefinger.
- A follow up appointment to see the health visitor again about his refusal to pick up paper scraps with a pincer grip in his left hand.
- A referral to the child development clinic about his teeny tiny head.
Operation fatten Baby B up has began. I went into a good housewife frenzy and yesterday made loads of fish pies with yummy healthy veg, butter and creme fraiche (Baby B seems to hate them, but I’ve made loads so he’ll have to get used to them!), slow cook chilli con carne (I cheated and used a tin of kidney beans in spicy sauce and reduced sugar tin of baked beans and tin of chopped tomatoes to get the sauce, added mince (obviously!) carrots, swedes, onions, chilli, paprika and spicy season all, Baby B liked this and his nappy this morning was really really nice (chilli poo – yum!)
On Thursday afternoon while he napped I made cottage pie topped with sweet potato mash and as I type a chicken and asparagus (and other vegetables) pie is cooking in the oven. Again it is stuffed with creme fraiche and butter. This evening I plan to make macaroni cheese with brocoli and bacon. Most of this is food that can be easily frozen and fed to him but it isn’t minced up with tiny lumps, he has to chew (he loved chomping on a massive king prawn at lunch, before he tasted the hated salmon and haddock mix!).
I’m simply too paranoid now about the amount of food going in to let him do pure baby led weaning. I’ll carry on letting him hold food that it is obvioulsy finger food (chocolate mini rolls, banana, pitta bread, vegetable sticks etc..) but I want to make sure his main food is all going in and I want to monitor exactly how much he eats. Hopefully with this intensive feeding regime his body and head will grow quickly before we go to the child development centre.
I’ve decided to cut right back on my consultancy work, I’ve called the guy who runs things and its OK everything is quieting down. I have two cases to represent and he thinks he can get someone else to one of them for me and wont send me any new parents for a while. I feel guilty about everything.
1. I didn’t breast feed properly to start with. Baby B lost a lot of weight, we still don’t know if this was due to the infection he had or me not doing things right. Maybe losing weight so early on in life had an effect.
2. I gave up on trying to go back to exclusively breast feeding after a couple of months of mixed feeding. I then only breast fed about once a day to comfort him and gave up completely when I went on antibiotics before Christmas. Breast feeding could have stopped him getting asthma.
3. I chose to let him do Baby Led Weaning and while it has been great for his development, he can chew things properly and eats the kind of food we do, maybe he needed me to ‘encourage’ him to eat more.
I just cant understand how a baby can go from being so large (9lb 4 at birth) to so tiny and think I must have done something wrong. We’re also trying now to get him back to sleeping through (he used to do it so well). I’ve decided that he is waking at 4-5 as he is used to getting a nice bottle of milk and going back to sleep.
Since Thursday we (I) have just offered warm water in a bottle during the night. I’ve accepted that if he isn’t getting up in the night the trade off is a 6am start but I can cope with that. I take him down stairs at 6, we have a bottle of milk, a little play and then breakfast. Last night his Dad looked after him, gave him his milk in the morning and put him back in the cot as he looked sleepy and he used to sleep in until 8am (yes – after waking up in the blinking night!!). Great all the work I did to break the association of going back to sleep with a bottle is ruined. The antibiotics give him tummy ache and the runs so my plan was that after a week of anti-biotics he would be used to not having milk at night and wouldnt be waking up with tummy ache and full nappy any more. Obviously not meant to be.
Sorry for quite a miserable post, just feeling really down and like a crappy inadequate mummy.