Competitive Parenting


Just back from the health visitor (Baby B is 19 weeks old and weighs 14lb 1oz!) I met another Mum in the waiting room and we started talking baby milestones (as you do) and I realised that although I (and all other Mummy’s) know parenting is not a competitive sport and that all babies are unique we just cant help ourselves! Here are my scores in the parenting olympics so far.

The Birth – like gymnastics but with the possibility of 4 extra points for complications well met. Points are won for a natural as possible birth.

8/10 for the birth as I lost points for going to hospital and for using gas and air, I did labour in water and would have delivered in there if not forced out as the midwives were worried about Baby B’s heart (ending labour strapped to a bed was not in my birth plan!). I gain an additional 3 points for having a back labour (long slow and painful!) for managing to push Baby B’s head out without any help despite the fact he was huge (9lb 4oz) and for coping with a shoulder dystocia (his shoulders got stuck and the emergency panic button was pressed!)

Overall score 11/12 – Silver medalist!!

Breastfeeding – obviously gold medalists are the ones who exclusively breast feed for the longest – like a marathon but instead of finsihing first you want to finish last. Didnt even qualify – stopped exclusive breast feeding at 2 weeks, gave up mixed feeding at 9/10 weeks.
Very poor effort.

First smile (the baby – not the exhausted parents!) 7 weeks – not fantastic everyone boasts about their early smiling babies, I was devastated that following all the illness and misery my baby wouldnt smile at me – was he a sociopath – no just a normal baby but finsihed 8/10. Not brilliant.

Rolling (sprint – first to get there wins!) Not managed yet – he tries but nothing much happens! A friends baby was rolling at 16 weeks – not that I am comparing of course. Not placed.

Sitting unaided (sprint again) Still not placed but it is early days so we’er hoping that the training (tummy time and sitting on mummies lap have paid off!)

Weaning (another marathon with the aim being to go as far as possible before weaning). Very poor effort starting weaning at 4 1/2 months. Some allowance made as pureeing own food rather than buying shop stuff but definately not placed – I pulled out of this marathon earlier than Paula Radcliffe in Athens!

As you can see Baby B and I aren’t going to scoop up many medals but we love each other regardless!

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